I got a message today from my lawyer that my ex had lost her job, and wants to give up her full parental rights so she doesn't have to worry about paying child support. This is pretty disconcerting to me for a few reasons. I'm sure that some divorcees would jump on this, but I don't like it.
My two kids are the best thing that's ever happened to me. Nothing in my life has made me happier than those two. Their moods affect my moods - when they're happy, I'm happy, when they're sad, I get sad. I just don't understand how their mother would not feel the same way, when she was the one who carried them through pregnancy and gave birth to them.
Another reason this is bad is because I need the child support. If she can't pay it or if she gives up her rights so she doesn't have to pay it, I'm going to be hard pressed to just pay the bills. Not having that money means I can't buy them toys in the way I like to, and I can't take them for ice cream, or trips to the lake and such. I really need that money to give them the childhood I wished I had.
To top that off, how am I supposed to break it to the kids? If she gives up her rights, she's definately not going to see them. What am I supposed to do then, pretend she died? You can't tell a 7 year old and a 4 year old that mommy just isn't ever coming back unless she's dead. It'll wreck their entire world view - not that what she's done already hasn't significantly injured them. Just thinking about how they'd react to it at this age makes me want to vomit. Why the @#$% do they have to go through this?
If you're reading this, I'd like to know what you're thinking. I don't want her to do this, but I don't know if I can stop it. This whole ordeal makes me sick.
UGH. First of all, I know you don't understand why a mom wouldn't want to see the kids. Me neither. I could never do that. I don't understand it.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your ex may just stop paying child support if she's lost her job. I know you need it, but you may not get it anyway. She seems pretty determined not to pay if she's willing to sever legal ties.
And although this might be extremely difficult for you financially, it might end up saving you some grief later on down the road. What if your ex doesn't give up parental rights, goes into a huge child support arrearage, but later on down the road decides she wants 50/50 custody? Or visitation time?
Financially, if it were me, I would sit down and pare my budget down to the absolute minimum. Yes, I love to buy my son toys--but he's got a ton right now. And I do a lot of shopping at yard sales and thrift stores. I love thrift shopping anyway, but it also saves me a lot of money. Vacations: what are those? I haven't taken any since I gave up my credit cards.
I don't know what you would tell the kids, though. That's a hard, hard thing. Haven't had to face that.
My ex-husband is an addict and alcoholic. He refuses to give up his parental rights, but is more than happy not to pay child support. If my daughters and I weren't living with my mom, we would be totally SOL right now.
ReplyDeleteI know you say you need the child support, but you can't make her pay it. The state can make her pay it, or she'd face jail time.. but that takes up to a year, if not longer.
And she can't just give up her parental rights - a judge actually has to sign off on it. So you might be able to go up against her in court, saying she has parental obligations [ie: child support]. Again though, only the state can MAKE her pay support, but that could take 1+ years anyway.
So saying you NEED the child support doesn't mean you're going to GET it anytime soon. Maybe your best bet is just to let her walk away. Obviously her priorities are 100% screwed up.
As for what to tell them about their mom..? It's simple: "Mommy isn't able to be a mommy right now. But you have me."
Thanks for the input, I appreciate it. She's already court-ordered to pay child support. I'd welcome it if she showed enough initiative within the next 5 years to actually battle me for custody - even though it would mean going to court. At least then, she'd be showing the kids she cared about them.
ReplyDeleteAs far as fighting her giving up her rights goes, I'm going to argue against it being in the kid's interests, and I'm not going to willingly let her off the hook for support and give her an opportunity to dump her kids for a clean slate and a shot at personal "happiness."
Hello Everyone, I think, Being a single father is a difficult job, but one with innumerable rewards. Whether you are a divorcee or a widow, being the prime caregiver for your children is a big responsibility that will likely become the focus of your life. Even those single fathers who work and have childcare help understand that raising their children is their life’s work.
ReplyDeleteIf your relation is good and you want to keep relation alive than you have to compromise with your wife otherwise your relation will be lost and after that you will face the tension of your kids as well. The mother only can manage your children in a good way. read more
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